That summer my mother took my
little brother, baby sister, and myself back home to California. My demons three were happy because that’s
where they first tried to take my soul.
The darkness inside had consumed me
by this point and I learned to embrace it.
Being a Star Wars nerd I realized that I was not a Jedi after all, I was
a true Sith.
Every day during the summer I
trained in our back yard. I would stack
up 2x4 boards and practice my punches and kicks. I would imagine they were my bullies back
home in Texas. The only blood I drew was
my own whenever I broke a board, but it would have to do, since I could not
draw theirs. I was never going to lose
another fight, no matter who it was.
The summer passed quickly and I
found myself enrolled in school in California once again. I was the last to attend the same middle
school my three older siblings had before me.
I was prepared for any bullies that may come my way, but my demons three
threw me for a loop.
One good thing came from being in
California, I had a place to play and run around so I lost a lot of weight by
the time school started. I was still
fat, however, I was not the push over I once was. I had a few students who picked on me,
breaking into my locker and flushing my books in the toilet. Gym class was the same, a bully’s hunting
grounds.
After two weeks the biggest bully
in school decided to get physical, they always do. This guy was huge, a muscle head, and there
was no way I could match his strength. As
he began to choke me my inner darkness took over. When the fight was over, I left him on the
floor, as I walked away, his blood on my shirt and the thought of picking on me
again a thought far from his mind. The
only thought on my mind, I would need to buy a new gym shirt.
Word got around quickly and the
students left me alone, until the ultimate bully came along. This was a bully that I never even thought
existed, I’ve always been taught to trust them because of who they were, my teachers.
One teacher in particular started
on me and all the other students jumped on the band wagon, literally, as this torment
came from band class. This was a kind of
battle and I was out numbered, defeated, and losing.
Christmas time brings a high rate
of suicide. Despite all the jolly cheer
everywhere, death and darkness fills the air.
My demons three kept whispering in my ear what my bullies were saying to
my face, everyone would be better off if I would just kill myself.
I was fascinated with the Samurai
culture after my grandmother had given me a book about Bushido, and I knew how
I would do it. I was going to kill
myself under the same tree I almost ended everything the first time, and this
time I would not fail.
I was so full of hate, full of
rage, full of deep dark emotions. I was
mean to my cousins and siblings for no reason.
I wanted the world around me to burn.
Death was always hanging around me and I could feel his dark breath
breathing down the back of my neck.
I had an anchor that kept me from
falling into my dark abyss forever, my grandmother who would make me breakfast
and read to me from the newspaper at 4 in the morning before I went to school,
but that tether was wearing thin as time went on. It was not enough to keep me from my seppuku.
Before we broke for Christmas break
a bright light came into my life. She was
able to draw me out of my abyss and bring me back to the land of the
living. She kept me from returning to
the darkness. As the new year started I
was happy, something I had not felt in almost a year.
My demons three did not like this
twist of events. They decided that I
needed to be punished. We were at war
and who was I to think I could ever be happy.
They were to teach me another harsh lesson. I did not want to fight anymore so they hit
me hard.
My birthday was supposed to be perfect. She had planned something special for me when
I got to school, so did my demons three.
They took my light away, plunging me into the darkness, drowning me in
it. Death did their bidding. Another life I loved had been lost for no other
reason than I loved them more than I loved myself.
Two weeks later we left California for
Texas. School was almost over so my
summer started early. I was back in my
old hood but unlike before, I stayed in my room most of the summer. I had slimmed down enough in California that
the weight I had put on over the summer balanced me out to be more muscular
than I was before.
My solitude came to an end as
school started once again. I was back to
the arena where I got my first taste of blood.
While a few of my original bullies still attended this school, I found
out that the one that broke me, the one who’s eye I blinded, was no longer
there. At least I would not have to face
him again.
None of the students had recognized
me, even though we had all of our academic classes together for an entire year
before. I was known as the transfer
student from California. Girls who had
laughed at me before were suddenly wanting to talk to me. The darkness inside me told them to fuck off,
but that only made their desire for me worse.
I was a bad boy without meaning to be.
It took three weeks before things
began to settle down and old routines took place. I was betrayed by my love of music. I was too poor to buy my own trumpet so I had
to use my older brother’s hand-me-down coronet.
What gave me away, and made me the laughing stock of the band before was
the bent bell on the coronet.
Word spread quickly about who I
really was and how I tried to fool everyone.
The bullies in Texas were much more hard headed than the ones in
California and they fought on a much harder scale. They didn’t care that I wasn’t the same plump
“butterball,” as they use to call me, they wanted their old punching bag back.
The girls who wanted me now hated
me. They were teased by the guys that
they were stupid and how could they like me.
They wanted their revenge as well and poisoned their boyfriend’s ears
with words of violence. Tension was building
and it took a week before it finally broke.
As I walked out of my history class
history repeated itself. I was jumped
from behind. Two guys had shoved me into
the lockers and held me there, while another held my face against the metal
grate of the locker.
“You don’t have the balls to fight
me one on one,” I taunted.
My answer was a punch to my kidney,
awakening my darkness. I began to smile.
“That’s all you got.”
I was spun around, which is what I
was hoping for. Letting go of me briefly
was their mistake. I kicked the boy in
front of me as hard as I could in the balls and when he doubled over my knee
came up to break his nose.
My hands were free so I throat
punched the boy to the left of me and punched the boy to my right across his
jaw. He took off running, leaving his
friends behind. The girls looked on in
horror as my smile continued to grow.
The blood on the floor was fueling my fire.
The last time I received a beating
by this boy and his friends I was bombarded with kicks to my back and stomach
as more and more boys joined in on the beating.
It was only fitting to return the favor.
I kicked and stomped the boy who could not breathe as it was, chocking
on his own blood from the broken nose he never expected.
I kicked and I kicked, cussing at
him until I was tackled to the floor from the side. I tried to fight my way free of this man’s
grasp but I couldn’t. He was much more
well trained than I was. Despite his
age, I could not defeat this Marine. He was
my history teacher.
The other teachers in the hall took
the boys away quickly. Only after the
halls were cleared of students did I hear the deep dark voice whisper in my
ear, “Another victory… for us.”
To be concluded...
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