I wrote this six years ago today. Still I have no agent. Not sure if that's good or bad.
"Dear Literary Agent,
I have been searching high and low for you, looking everywhere I can for you. I hope to capture your attention and hold it with my written words. I promise you, good or bad, I will stir something up inside you, just ask anyone on the list of people I give you to ask, I have paid them well to speak highly of me. ;)