From My Daughter


Taken from the revised Lost Inside
 
When my daughter was born I hoped and prayed that my demons would not passed onto her.  I did not want the childhood I lived through for her.  When she was two years old I could see that my prayers were answered with an ear shattering NO.
I knew she would be in for a tough adolescence and the only thing I could actually do for her is let her know I would be there if she needed to talk.  I knew hard conversations were ahead of me, full of tears and heartache. 
Being that she has inherited my gift for expressing emotions into words I tell her to just write out what she feels and the darkness will not be able to consume her as long as she keeps letting it out.  At age eleven she started writing and now, at fourteen, she is a much better writer than I am.
The following is her work, in her own words, expressing how she feels and dealing with the emotions that plague her.  Her demons may try, but they will not defeat her.

 

To Those Who Hear But Don’t Listen
 

As kids we’re lead to believe,
You need a reason to be sad.
And we’re taught by society,
That it’s okay to make fun of,
Those who are.

I once asked,
“How do I explain depression,
To people who’ve NEVER experienced it?”
 
Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you’re depressed.

Depression is the feeling of drowning,
While everyone around you,
Can clearly breathe.

Like walking down the street
And it suddenly decides to swallow you whole.

That nightmare of that dark creature
You never knew but were scared of.
THAT’S depression.
 
The coolness of a blade as it slices your skin,
Is what some people rely on
To take away the pain.
 
It causes physical pain,
But mentally,
It’s as if everything bad
Trickles away with every single
Drop of crimson.
 
Everything wrong and cruel
Fades away in that moment in time.
 
People don’t realize that it’s not
Cowardness that pushes
People toward suicide.
They are brave.

Knowing you’re leaving and never coming back.
Knowing you’re hurting those that care.
Knowing you’re doing this and won’t know what happens next.
Walking into this blindly and being able to push the fear away.

They aren’t cowards looking for a way out,
They are brave enough to move on.

As I was once wisely told,
“No one wants to die,
But everyone wants to go to heaven.”