Clowns!!!

With all this over reactions to the Clown stuff going on, here is a little story I wrote in December, 2015.

You're in an office building at night. No one else has access, just you. You're sitting on the toilet doing your business when all of a sudden you hear the door to the restroom open. Your heart skips a beat as your entire body stiffens in silence. You can hear soft footprints shuffle closer as the tips of two really large long red feet stop in front of your stall. You are unable to see through the door cracks. The only thing visible are the large red feet and the yellow with blue pokadots baggy pants. What do you do?

- Max M. Power

An Open Letter

I wrote this six years ago today. Still I have no agent. Not sure if that's good or bad.

"Dear Literary Agent,
I have been searching high and low for you, looking everywhere I can for you. I hope to capture your attention and hold it with my written words. I promise you, good or bad, I will stir something up inside you, just ask anyone on the list of people I give you to ask, I have paid them well to speak highly of me. ;)

Forever Yours,

A Writer."

Der Baron

The sirens began to scream, that could only mean one thing, he is returning.

Quickly I gulp down the warm dark brew that remained in my hard glass mug.  Slamming it down on the table, I wiped away the residue from my mouth as I ran toward the door.  The other lads, coming from whatever they were just doing, were running toward the same place I was.

I jumped up quickly, kicking my feet out in front of me, my right foot, then my left, testing the rudders.  I grabbed the stick in front of me, swinging it round in a circle in front of me, making sure it was free of obstruction.

“Contact,” I yell, letting my mechanic know I’m ready for him to cranky my propeller.

With a hard yank down, the magnetos catch on the first try, causing my whole craft to shake as the engine sputters roughly before I push the throttle forward slowly, trying not to flood the engine.  The wind generated by my propeller is slapping me in the face with cool air.

I push the throttle forward all the way and away I go.  I pull back on the stick just in time to see a silhouette of three wings flying high overhead.  My comrades and I bank to the left, giving chase.

In a matter of minutes we are within reach, anger building as he taunts us, flying in a circle, waiting for us to catch up.

I hear the sounds of guns firing as the first pilot engages.  He fired too quickly and our joint enemy pulls up into a loop, firing as he reaches the top, smoke puffing out of the engine.  We have sustained our first casualty of the day.

One by one I witness my fellow lads fall from the sky.  I am not afraid.  This time things will be different.

Round and round we fly, circling each other, but unable to hit him as I fire my guns.  I know he is toying with me as I can hear him laughing at me as he passes over me.

Circling back around, he fires on me.  Direct hit.  I bail out, floating down to the ground as he salutes before rolling a barrel roll and flying off into the sun.

“Someday I’ll get you, Red Baron!”

This is NOT a fake story

Turns out I have a target on my back and it's coming from Google. So if all of a sudden you can no longer email me or get ahold of me in any way that relates to Google you know why.

They have already shut down my apps.  Problem is, Google thinks I can't live without them. They don't know me very well do they?

And I thought the Clintons were bad.

I am a Gray Jedi

What does it mean to be a Jedi?  Well it doesn’t mean what you see in the movies.  It doesn’t mean I can move things with my mind or make people do things they don’t want to do with mind tricks.

Is there some belief that there is a mystical power that guides us, encourages us in matters of right or wrong, surrounds us and even though we can not see it, we can feel its presence?  No, that’s what the rest of the world calls God.

I have studied most major religions in the world and have come to the conclusion that they are all basically the same.  The same Gods known by different names based on different religions.  In all major religions there are different sects, breaking off into smaller parts because they believe slightly different than everyone else, so too is it with Jedi.

In every major religion you have those that are calm about their beliefs and you have those who are extreme, believing that all should believe as they do or face death; the light and the dark.  But there is a third, one who can walk on both sides and not be harmed, in the Jedi Order they are called Gray.

In the beginning of every religion, all are Gray, living in balance of the positive and negative emotions that live within us all.  Somewhere along the way there was a split, diving people into extremist, even Jedi.

The light side believes they are not extremist but when you believe in an all or nothing concept of life then that is an extremist.  The dark side believes in the same concept, just on the opposite end from the light and in separating themselves from the rest have chosen to give themselves a different name, Sith.  Despite what you call one another, Jedi, Sith, or Gray, it is still the same belief, just like in any other religion.

The Jedi Code:  There is no Emotion, there is Peace.  There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge.  There is no Passion, there is Serenity.  There is no Chaos, there is Harmony.  There is no Death, there is the Force.

The Sith Code:  Peace is a lie, there is only passion.  Through passion, I gain strength.  Through strength, I gain power.  Through power, I gain victory.  Through victory, my chains are broken.  The Force shall free me.

Can you see the extremism?  No this, only that.  Doesn’t give you a choice really.  This is why I chose to be a Gray Jedi.

The Gray Code:  There must be both dark and light.  I will do what I must to keep the balance, as the balance is what holds all life.  There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish.  There is passion, yet peace; serenity, yet emotion; chaos, yet order.  I am a wielder of the flame; a champion of balance.  I am a guardian of life.  I am a Gray Jedi.

I have always felt I was something more than what Christianity said I was.  I have always felt there is something more to our universe than what the Bible, Quran, or Shruti have to offer.  I have always felt that my soul belonged to another time period, I have always felt I was Samurai.

Return of the Jedi was the first Star Wars movie I seen and I knew I wanted to be a Jedi.  I was told the Jedi were bad because the Force was really magic and as a kid that was crushing to me.  As I grew up I still wanted to be a Jedi, I believed in their philosophy more than any other religion.

The Jedi Religion was first discussed in 2001, but it was tainted with people trying to do the things in the movies.  When it became an official religion in 2011, I too laughed but was glad at the same time.  I was no longer the only one who wanted to be a true Jedi.

I, however, still lived with fear in saying I am a Jedi while being surrounded by Christians.  I know the Bible, I studied for a long time, but I still wanted to be a Jedi.  Still, I lived in fear and that fear was beginning to take over, and I knew that was wrong.  A Jedi should not have to hide.

I am a Jedi of the Gray Order, and I will no longer live in fear of telling anyone.  I will be laughed at and poked fun of, but that will be no different than any other time growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness.

 

Alien Harvest

There was a pounding in my head.  Like a sledge hammer against a metal door, trying to break it down.  Unlike a normal headache, this pounding was coming from the outside in.  Someone or some, thing, was trying to get inside my mind.

I woke up, holding my head in my hands, as if trying to brace myself from the impact.  My stomach began to rumble, yelling at me over the meal I had before going to bed.  I took a deep breathe, letting it out slowly.  I took another then another, I did not want to get sick.

The fog surrounding my head was beginning to burn away and I lifted my head.  That’s when I saw them, two gray aliens with a mysterious look on their faces.

I tried to scream out but one of the aliens threw up his hand and my screams became muffled.  The other alien grabbed both of my ankles and flipped me over, off of the bed.  My feet hit the floor as the alien let go of me and grabbed the rest of the blanket, throwing it over me, wrapping me up in it.

I started thrashing about, trying to kick my way out of the blanket.  The aliens began to drag me out of the room.  I started kicking even harder, hitting one of the aliens, causing him to let go of the blanket.  Using the distraction I was able to free myself from the blanket.

I started crawling away but the aliens reached back and grabbed me again, dragging me out of the house.  I struggled more and more but there was nothing I could do.  Since my voice was still muffled my stomach began to scream in protest.

The aliens looked back at me as my stomach growled at them.  A worried look passed between them before looking up in the sky.  They were ready for pick up and time was of the essence.

They continued to drag me further out into my front yard so that I was clear of the large pine tree.  My stomach continued to yell at them and their fear was growing more intense with each gurgle.

One alien looked back at me and images began to flash in my head.  Images of a dark room filled my brain.  The room contain a single metal table.  I could see myself laid out on this cold table, fear in my eyes, my ass lifted up in the air slightly.  Two aliens stood behind me.  One was checking my restraints as the other lifted a shiny metal cylinder.  There was no mistaking what was about to happen.

“OH HELL NO,” I shouted.

This surprised me as well as the aliens.  In their shock they dropped my feet.  This time I rolled to my left, up onto my feet, facing the aliens, ready to tackle whichever came near me first.

A bright light lit up my yard, freezing me in place.  I could no longer move but that didn’t stop my stomach from continuing the fight.  I used the only weapon I could wield.  My ass cheeks flapped in the wind I had just created, the foul smell hitting all three of us.

Instantly the light turned off and the aliens looked at me, anger clearly visible on their expressionless faces.  The one alien who had shown me the images of the probe sent a new image in my brain.  They would now be stuck on Terra because I had just wasted their fuel.

“Is that all,” I said, laughing.  “Wait here.”

I walked back into the house and went to my kitchen cabinet.  I grabbed two glass mason jars with the lids and came back outside.  I handed them both a jar before turning around.  They looked at me puzzled and could not see that I was about to pull my own finger.

I released the second bomb of the night.  They quickly opened the jars and captured as much of the fumes as they could.  The light filled my front yard once again, blinding me, then turning off just as quickly.  When I could see again, both aliens were gone.

Turns out that aliens abduct people and anal probe them because they really are harvesting farts.  They act as fuel for their spaceship.

My Book Signing

 

December 03, 2016

1pm to close

Glow Worm New & Used Books 311 Main St, Spring, Texas 77373     Come join me at this amazing little book store in Old Town Spring.  Get your holiday shopping done while enjoying a great atmosphere and good food.  I will be signing my books as well as giving away some goodies.  I will have 5 copies of each one of my books but if you want to reserve a copy please email me before November 1st. Can't wait to see you there.

I'm Batman

I only knew him as Batman.  He was an overweight hairy homeless man with a thick beard who wore a pair of blue jeans, with a rope for a belt, and an old gray shirt with the Batman logo across the chest, the yellow shinning bright despite the holes in the shirt.

He had a blue tarp that he used as a blanket at night and as a cape during the day.  He had a break from reality long before I met him but that never stopped him from having an uplifting attitude.

Batman was a proud man.  He never accepted money or food without trying to do something to earn it.  He would walk up and down Main Street in downtown, saying hello to everyone he passed.

“Hello citizen, I’m Batman,” he would always say.

I would always give him my hand to shake but he never took it.  He was afraid to touch another person for some reason.

I would see him every Saturday morning and I always looked forward to seeing him.  I thought he would always be there until one day he wasn’t.  After three weeks of not seeing him I started to ask around if anyone knew what happened to him.  It took another week before I got my answer.

During the week as people were getting off work Batman was patrolling Main Street, as he always did.  He saw someone was getting mugged at knife point.  Without thinking he sprang into action, yelling at the man to stop as he ran toward him.  The mugger stabbed Batman before running away.  He died the hero he always claimed to be.

While Batman may be some actor in a costume in a movie, to me, the real Batman was a large fat homeless man with a thick beard and a huge heart.

I miss Batman.